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Expectations - Are They Just Premeditated Resentments?

May 23, 2021

There's a saying, 'expectations are premeditated resentments'.  Isn’t that rich?

Each of us carries around our own expectations of ourselves, others, and of the world in general. When our expectations are not met, we are left with disappointment, frustration and sometimes a strong sense of resentment.

In relationships our expectations need to be discussed openly. Our partners can’t read our minds – no matter how hard they try.

I believe that Hollywood has left us with a belief, ‘if you get me, if you really are the right person for me, you will be able to know what I need without me saying anything.’ What a bunch of bunk!

How can anyone possibly know our expectations unless we share them directly?

It can be very helpful to have a deeper awareness of our expectations. Take a moment to think about what expectations you carry with you. Are any of these expectations left over from childhood?

Often our expectations from childhood are based on the thoughts of a child, and perhaps we’ve already out-grown them and haven’t realized. Perhaps we have learned how to meet our needs ourselves, and no longer need to look to others for those needs. 

As an adult, take a look at your expectations – do they make sense to you at this point? Are they childish unrealistic thoughts that you can let go of now?

Now that you’ve done an inventory of your expectations, which ones are still valid for you? Those expectations need to be openly communicated to the important people in your life. You are much more likely to have your expectations fulfilled if you are able to openly communicate your needs to others.

Of course, those other people may not want, or be able to meet your needs - but what a wonderful thing to know that up front instead of dancing around disappointment and allowing resentments to build over time.

 

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